One of the greatest struggles I have at times is the act of encouraging myself. In 1 Samuel 30:6, it says:
“David was greatly distressed, for the men spoke of stoning him…But David encouraged and strengthened himself in the Lord his God.” (Amplified Bible)
I wish I were woman enough to do that when life starts becoming hostile and annoying. Today’s been another doozy, and I hate that I’ve let it color my mood so darkly. I told my sister earlier today that I just needed something bright on the horizon to look forward to. But man it’s been like Murphy’s law around here lately. And even some of the Bible verses I’ve fallen on for comfort in the past sound as dry and tasteless as stale saltines. I know that God still cares, that He is still in control, and that no matter how ugly I am, He still loves me. But sometimes that all just feels so…ethereal. I want something physical, something tangible, something on my calendar or in my face to cheer me up. But needing that means I’m not really encouraging myself in the Lord, am I?
I was looking forward to a day of rest tomorrow, but the in-laws called, wanting something from us and the hubby didn’t bother checking with me to see if it was OK before committing us to their plans. I’m just not looking forward to it at all. There are two potentially stressful situations facing me at the beginning of the week, and I’m not looking forward to either.
And I’ll admit it: I’m spoiled. My parents have this awesome vacation club membership that allows us to travel several times a year and stay in these awesome resorts, and all it ends up costing us is the gas to get there. But this summer, there is no vacation due to my grandmother’s deteriorating health. And with my pregnancy, I probably shouldn’t be traveling far from home anyway. Still, the thought of a vacation-less summer is so depressing! That July journey to West Palm Beach has been a given the past six years. But this year, at a time that I feel I’ve needed more than ever to just GET AWAY, I’m going nowhere.
But then the week of summer camp came to mind, and that is at least something different to look forward to. The boys will be at day camp all day long and I’ll have a whole week to myself. Well, they’ll be home at night to sleep, but still…it’s a break from people needing me, demanding things from me, and heaven help anyone who rains on my plans to be alone that week!
Is it sad that that’s the only thing I can come up with to encourage myself tonight? Maybe. But in a season like this, where relatives are constantly breathing down our necks, when so many things are uncertain and where bad news seems to fall like the rain, y’all…seriously…it’s all I’ve got!