I think I moved here…


Ok, I’ve never even seen this television show, but tonight, I feel like I live there. As many of you know, a year ago we moved across the street from my grandmother. We go through phases where everything is, for the most part, OK. There are certain things that are difficult for me 24/7, such as feeling like someone is always watching us, monitoring all our comings and goings, and other things I’d rather not delve into here. But for the most part, we do what we need to do, my grandmother behaves herself and while it’s not an ideal living situation, it is what it is and we’re OK. We moved here because we truly love and respect my grandmother and wanted to help make things easier for her to stay in her own home as long as possible.

But then, it never fails…every few months or so, all hell breaks loose and the drama—oh the DRAMA—that ensues when there’s a miscommunication and someone gets their fee-fees hurt.

They’re flashbacks to life growing up in my family.  I always felt surrounded by drama, outbursts, discord and insecurity. God has done some amazing things in healing hurts and helping me learn how to communicate, but others in the extended family, well…they aren’t into all that. They’d rather keep doing things the dysfunctional way they’ve always been done, and despite my best efforts to not get sucked into their vortex of expectations, I do…and then, like a tree sucked up into a tornado, I snap.

And tonight, I snapped.

It’s just so frustrating—and I can think of several friends at the moment who are dealing with situations that make them feel the same way—when you feel like you’re doing what God asked you to do, but the people you’re trying to serve are never satisfied.

I guess that’s why the Bible says to do all things as unto the Lord, and not unto men. God’s approval is the only thing that matters and I must constantly remind myself of that, and the fact that people are always going to let us down. It’s the truth. On a side note, I worry about all the people swooning with Obama-mania this week, because while he may be POTUS, he’s just a man. He can’t possibly fulfill everyone’s hopes and expectations. It makes me feel sorry for him and his family; that so many people are expecting so much from him. Truly, the weight of the world is upon him. I am just thankful that there are men and women willing to take on that burden for our country, because I know I never could.

I wish I were that strong, but tonight I sit here, having folded like a cheap wooden beach chair under the expectations of just a few.

So is it Total Drama Island or a game of Survivor? I’m not sure…and I’m not sure there’s a difference. I just hold up the broken pieces to my Father God and know that He will fix them for me. It might not be exactly when I want it, or how I think it should be done. But unlike the people we’re trying to serve by living here, I’m OK with letting Him do it His way.

One reply on “I think I moved here…”

  1. Hey! I had no idea this was going on when I sent you that email. See??? You serve and you serve and you serve…and you’re surrounded by people who just don’t get it! (Hugs)

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