Holiday Eating Tips

My friend Rhonda just sent this to me, and I just had to share!

1Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table  knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave  immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. You cannot find  it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000  calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn in to an  eggnogoholic or something It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two.   It’s later than you think. It’s almost Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy.   Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed  potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or  whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car  with an automatic transmission.

5 Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your  eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people’s  food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s.  You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the  time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while  carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted  Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near  them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of  attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind,  you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you  don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three.  When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory  celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some scruples.
10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or  get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips;  start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this  motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving  safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in  sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out  and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”

Have a great holiday season!